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CONTACTS

WHY DO YOU HATE ME?!

Dear Left Eye,

I mean it this time. I won't put another contact in you (today). So will you please release the one that's already in?

Please?

I'm about to vomit in terror at the idea of not being able to get it out. Stop scaring me. Just let me take it out so I can put on a pair of glasses. Please.

Love,

Me

Ps./ If you see my glasses, let them know I'm pissed off at them for running away, thus necessitating me having to put contacts in so I don't have to dig out a strap to keep my boot camp glasses on.

Anyone got any advice for getting this stupid lens out?

An open letter

Dear Unconscious Mind,

You and I both know the glasses go in the same place every damn night so we can find them the next morning. Therefore, why did you find it appropriate to not only place them three feet away from their same damn place, but to then forget about it, so I spend half an hour this morning trying to find them in the usual spot and where they could have fallen from the usual spot, then an hour fussing with contact lenses, then the past two (almost three) wearing the horrid things from boot camp that make my eyes hurt a little and do NOTHING to help my headaches?

Not funny. Next time you think it's a great idea to send me to sleep five hours earlier than you've been, please warn me so I can put our glasses away and not you.

Not so much love right now,

Bird