Aatos Polemoio

For those of you caring about how I've been aside from the silly internet drama, I have been doing pretty well. PT is going well; been running about 2.5 miles in half an hour. Need to work on that, but it's pretty hard to run when your boobs keep bouncing. Getting a new sports bra on Tuesday, so we'll see how well that works out for me. Hopefully it will.

Pushups are still difficult, but I'm working at them.

Beyond that, just been doing kickboxing and the usual military exercises (situps, side straddle hops...). Also been studying my arse off for Drill Team. I am very psyched to be on the team this year instead of being an alternate. It'll be great to actually be able to do stuff with my friends on the team instead of being a "gopher" during practises and competition... even if the doing stuff is drilling and whatnot, I'm just happy that I made the team.

Job hunt is ever continuing. I haven't heard back yet from Giant and Harris Teeter isn't hiring yet. McDonald's isn't hiring, nor is Walgreens, and Royal Farms wants only managers and... yeah. Times is hard, job-wise.

Driver's license quest is not going so hot. I really need to get over this silly fear of driving so I have more job oppurtunities.

Designing crochet patterns is not easy. I've reworked just the first 20 rows of the back of this blazer so many damn times I've worn holes in the paper from erasing. 103rd time the charm, what say? What I have right now looks good, so I need to start working out the next ten or so rows to check on my cheap acrylic yarn. I've also started doing Irish crochet, which, for all it's intricacy, is quite easy. It's just working with thread that can be a bitch.

Sometime soon I have to get a box and get that package ready for you, ladyames. Don't let me forget. Hopefully I can stop by the post office to-day.

I may take a break from the internet soon. No particular reason other than the fact that it's not really interesting, and I don't much like keeping up with non-interesting things. Of course, I will still keep up with you all, but beyond that... Eh. I have other things to do. Write. Draw. Listen to music. Crochet. Above all... P.T. and study. We'll see how I feel by next week-end. My mood might change about the internet, but I've been a bit blah about it for a while, lately. It's all the same stuff after a while in the comms I frequent, and aside from LJ I only use the internet to IM, look up crochet information, study, and keep up with all of... three... webcomics. So, not so much point to me spending too terribly much time online.

That, and if someone doesn't stop her wangst... well, I just had Mum get my laptop fixed. She won't want to do it again so soon because I got fed up with obtuseness and continued idiocy of one vurry speshul snoflake.

I don't know why I'm letting this bother me.

Oh wait.

Yes I do.

She's a liar and a hypocrite.

Oh, look, LJ drama.

I wish I knew what the Hell half those comments were about.

Ugh. I don't think I want to be involved with this fandom much longer... I love the series, I love the books, I (have a platonic) love (for) the men... But I'm reminded of why I left fandom alone since middle school up until I broke my foot at college and had nothing else to do with my time. You end up with at least two separate groups of people against each other amongst the established folks in fandom, and then us newbs are left on the sidelines going "WTF mate?" at old wank being dragged up and some of us being criticised for not knowing the "whole story", so to speak, and simply supporting the person we know. ((Amongst other oh so lovely facets of fandom.))

I kind of wish I hadn't run out of inspiration for Hot Fuzz, except that ended up getting needlessly wanky too.

I know no matter where I choose to spend my time, there's going to be wank and there are going to be cliques... Except somehow, I'd rather spend my time where at least the things being wanked over matter a little in real life.

I haven't made up my mind to quit fandom just yet... Except it's getting to that point.

The most recent thing isn't the entire reason. Far from it. Things from a week ago, and just little things that pop up from time to time... Combined with shit from Hot Fuzz fandom, and even before then with things from my first forays into fandom back in middle school.

I get stressed far too easily. I worry too much about the past. I know I can't change things or take back words or any of that, but I have enough emotional shit from college to worry about without having fandom chickenshit piled on top. It's... I don't even know how to begin to describe what's going on inside my head, but I've never really felt like I fit in anywhere, and then when I think I do and this sort of fuckery happens? No. No. I've been burned enough to know better. Once burned, twice shy? Multiply that by a fucking million times, and you'll see where I'm coming from.

It's like school. Like grade school. And I know real life is like this too, but at least when I hear the things people wank about in real life, it's shit that matters. Work, money, family. I know there's some of the unimportant stuff too, I'm not an idiot and I'm not naive, but... Ugh. I can't do this shit. I'm burned out on this. I'm burned out on a lot lately. I need to get my life in order. I don't have time to waste on this crap. Not when I need to get back in shape. Not when I need to get a job. Not when I need to learn how to drive a fucking car. I can't drive. Eighteen years old and I can't drive a car. What the fuck is the matter with me?

Rhetorical question. No need to answer. There's a lot the matter with me. Fuck... I... Just fuck it all.